To be loved
by LylyWeasley
Summary: Cas wants to know what it feels like to be loved. Rated MA for graphic sexual contact


Dean stopped the Impala a few blocks away from the bunker. Taking out his phone, he wrote a quick text to Sam:

Got Cas. Be back soon.

He turned to the passenger seat and looked at the silent figure next to him. Cas hadn't said a word for the last 500 miles. Ever since he had saved Cas from that woman. Cas' eyes were downcast and dried blood was still matted on his face and in his hair.

Dean sighed, "Cas... Please say something. I bought us some time so we can stay in this car as long as you'd like."

Cas still said nothing. But Dean saw the tears threatening to spill from those piercing blue eyes.

"Come on, man," Dean said, putting his arm on Cas' shoulder, "Talk to me, please. I know you're not ok."

Without warning, Castiel threw himself onto Dean's shoulder, the tears flowing hot and heavy. Gingerly, Dean wrapped his arms around the sobbing man, patting him on the back in comfort.

"Hey," he whispered, "hey, it's ok. You can tell me what's going on. I know she hurt you. And I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner."

"Dean," Cas sobbed, "You rescued me and I will be forever grateful. But... the torture was not the worst part."

"You can tell me," Dean said tenderly.

Cas made a noise halfway between a sniff and a hiccup, but kept his face buried into Dean's shoulder. There were at least three minutes that passed in complete silence. They sat there, Dean holding the fallen angel tightly.

"I-" Cas began, "We..." he dissolved into sobs once more.

But Dean didn't need him to continue. His stomach was tied up in knots. He could guess exactly what had happened between Cas and his female companion.

Trying to cheer Cas up, he said, "Well, you're not a virgin anymore so... there's something." But Cas didn't react. Backtracking, he said, "Buddy, it's fine. So it didn't end great."

Cas finally looked up from Dean's shoulder. His eyes were puffy from all his tears. "Dean, God made sex for two beings who are in love. I was not in love. I- I thought maybe... But no. I have abused God's creation."

His words hit Dean straight in the gut. "Cas," he said, "Sometimes people want things that turn out not to be what they thought. Sex... can be for love. And it can be for fun. Sex doesn't automatically implicate love. But, I get it. You wanted it to be love."

"Dean," Cas whispered, "Is sex different when you're in love?"

He smiled slightly, gripping Cas' shoulder, "Yeah, it is. It's better."

Cas frowned, "I wish that I could feel what that's like."

Without thinking, Dean leaned forward and placed his lips softly against Castiel's. Cas stiffened but, to Dean's surprise, did not pull away. Instead, he let out a long exhale and put his hands on Dean's shoulders. Dean put his hands on either side of Cas' face and held them together. Finally, Cas released himself from Dean's grasp. His eyes locked with Dean's in confusion.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, tilting his head to one side.

"Because," Dean said, if anyone deserves a redo on their virginity, it's you. You want to know what it feels like to be loved? I'll show you... If- if that's what you want."

A small smile graced Castiel's features, "Dean, I want that."

Without another word, Dean kissed Cas again, sliding the jacket from Cas' shoulders. Then, when he put his fingers in the other man's hair, Cas began to unbutton Dean's shirt and his own. When they were relieved of their tops, Cas ran his hands over Dean's chest, still connected to him by the lips. Feeling daring, Dean slid his tongue into Cas' mouth. Cas let out a low sigh and entwined his tongue with Dean's. Their mouths melded to one another's, opening and closing both frantically and gently.

Slowly, Dean pressed small kisses all the way down Cas' jawline until reaching his neck. Cas moaned, gripping Dan's back. Then, keeping his eyes locked with the fallen angel's, Dean pushed Cas onto his back. Cas saw Dean's green eyes glint mischievously as he leaned down, kissing Cas' chest and creating a trail of kisses down to the waistband of his jeans.

Faster than Cas could've imagined, Dean had pulled off his pants and was slowly pulling down his boxers. The desire in Dean's eyes as he took in Cas' naked form created a pool of warmth in Cas' stomach.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

Dean's smile widened, "I just... You're breathtaking, Cas." He kissed Cas on the lips again and then took Cas' full length into his mouth.

Cas let out a cry of pleasure, putting his hands on Dean's shoulders. He dug his fingernails in, leaving marks behind. This made Dean make a growling moan that vibrated through Cas. Dean began to go faster, using his tongue to bring Cas closer to the edge.

"Oh, Dean..." Cas sighed, before breaking, releasing his desire. Dean took it all, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth as he sat up.

"You're amazing," he said.

Cas sat up as well and, his eyes never leaving Dean's, began to undo the other man's jeans, "You're amazing," he replied.

Dean finished taking off his jeans and pulled off his boxers. His green eyes met Cas' blue ones, lust was radiating from both of them. Now it was Cas' turn to take in Dean's body and have his breath taken away.

"I want you," he said, almost like a whisper, "All of you, Dean."

Dean threw himself against Cas, pushing him down on the seat again. They kissed passionately, hands exploring all of each other's bodies. Dean took Cas' hands and pinned them over his head. Cas let out a whimper of pleasure as Dean nipped lightly at his neck. Their hips grinded against one another, Dean's keeping Cas' pinned to the seat of the Impala.

Cas freed his hands and gently pushed Dean back into a sitting position. Taking the hint, Dean put his hands on Cas' shoulders, helping him turn over. Now that Cas was on his stomach, Dean laid back down, kissing the back of his neck. He grabbed Cas' hips and brought them up to his.

"Please, Dean," Cas moaned, "I need you."

He kissed Cas on the neck again and then whispered, "I need you too, Cas," before easing into him.

Cas let out a sigh of relief and put his hands over Dean's before Dean began to thrust his hips evenly. Being inside Cas was better than Dean could've imagined. He'd had a lot of sex, but this was different... in a good way. Being with his fallen angel was like finally returning home after a long journey away.

A small moan managed to escape Dean as he felt himself start to reach climax. He paused, not wanting this to be over, but Cas gripped his hands tighter.

"Dean, don't stop!" he exclaimed breathily.

Not wanting to disappoint Cas, he began thrusting more fervently. He could feel bliss coming soon. And when it did, he let out a loud cry and buried his face in the crook of Cas' neck.

Cas turned over when Dean had untangled them. Then, Dean lay in Cas' arms, breathing in the scent of their lovemaking.

"Cas..." Dean whispered, "I..." he began.

"Shhh..." Cas said, "I love you too. You were right. It is different when you're in love."

Dean nuzzled into Cas' chest, "You never have to be unloved again if you don't want. I'm yours."

"Dean," Cas said, smiling, "and I'm yours."


End file.
